Filed under: Sony PlayStation 2

"A spit-take is a comedic technique in which someone spits a beverage out of his or her mouth when he or she reacts to a statement during a take. In a spit-take, the reaction is usually one of surprise. Danny Thomas is sometimes credited with popularizing its use in comedy." (Source: Wikipedia, the lazy man's reference material.)

We thought it would be considerate to give you guys the ever-so-brief history of the knee-jerk reaction you're likely about to experience, depending on your level of self-investment in the overseas gaming electronics market, and whether or not you're currently drinking a nice, refreshing beverage. Amidst substantial drops in weekly sales totals for all its competitors, the rarely triumphant Xbox 360 pulled off a spectacular ascent with an increase of over 15,000 units. It performed this feat by riding upon the comfortable, pillowy back of Star Ocean: The Last Hope, a 360 exclusive that sold over 162,000 copies in its release week.

Then again, perhaps news that a Square Enix title featuring vaguely effeminate dudes pushed Japanese sales of its designated system doesn't surprise you to the point of expectoration. Your unflappable, steely nerves keep you from being startled by sales figures, let alone the GIANT SPIDER THAT'S ON YOUR SHOULDER. (Yeah, that probably did the trick.)

- DSi: 41,839 11,644 (21.77%)
- PSP: 29,552 4,704 (13.73%)
- Xbox 360: 25,334 15,501 (157.64%)
- Wii: 16,973 4,043 (19.24%)
- PS3: 16,149 2,507 (13.44%)
- DS Lite: 9,975 4,835 (32.65%)
- PS2: 5,029 303 (5.68%)

[Source: Media Create]

See: The expectorating archives

Here's an interesting fact: In order to earn money through product placements, you actually have to have a pre-arranged deal with the advertised company. You can't just start interjecting their brand name into conversations and wait for them to send you a check. Alas, our meticulous plan for bringing some much-needed economic growth to the Japanese Hardware Sales Institute has collapsed under the weight of its own immeasurable incompetence. We've been forced to take the last measure available to us in order to continue providing this valuable service: Workforce optimization.

We've elected to simplify a startling number of positions here at the Institute, including Stat Trackers, Adders, Subtractors, Analyzers, Percentage Calculators, Red and Green Arrow Breeders, Pun Writers, Pun Editors, and our LOLcat Locator. We even restructured the guy who was in charge of the optimization procedures. We'd like to call this irony, but we can't be sure. We smartsized our Literary Device Examiner.

We also unhired our Witty Remark That Actually Pertains to The Current Week's Sales Figures Guy -- luckily, his services won't be needed, as this week's chart looks alarmingly similar to the last fifty. Just hop into our archives, and choose your favorite wisecrack. Take our word for it -- it'll still be relevant.

- DSi: 49,529 6,084 (10.94%)
- PSP: 34,969 9,166 (20.77%)
- Wii: 20,412 2,866 (12.31%)
- PS3: 16,082 1,323 (7.60%)
- DS Lite: 12,484 2,663 (17.58%)
- Xbox 360: 8,311 204 (2.52%)
- PS2: 5,089 245 (4.59%)

[Source: Media Create]

See: The smartsized archives

Times are tough, folks. If you live in the economically beleaguered U.S. of A., we think you're probably aware of what we're DRINK PEPSI talking about. We know you guys place us on a towering, resplendent pedestal, high above the recession's unforgiving grasp, but just like everyone else, we've needed to find CRISP REFRESHING PEPSI-COLA alternative methods of earning some extra greenbacks in order to make ends meet. The wariest among you may have qualms with our new, surreptitious product placements, but hey, a blogger's gotta eat AND DRINK PEPSI IT'S SO CRISP AND GOOD.

Here's the charts, which are boring. There, we said it. Their order has IT'S PEPSI TIME barely changed over the past two months, and aside from the post-holiday drop-off, the changes in sales figures haven't exactly razzle-dazzled us either. C'mon, Japanese console buyers. We wanna DRINK PEPSI-COLA ALL NIGHT AND DAY see some shifts of apocalyptic proportions next week. Everyone in Japan under the thrall of our voice -- go buy PEPSI a few Game Boy Pockets, and nothing else. That oughta do the trick.

- DSi: 55,613 3,995 (7.73%)
- PSP: 44,135 5,855 (15.29%)
- Wii: 23,278 3,492 (13.04%)
- PS3: 17,405 303 (1.71%)
- DS Lite: 15,147 1,461 (10.68%)
- Xbox 360: 8,107 444 (5.79%)
- PS2: 5,334 257 (5.06%)

[Source: Media Create]

See: The TALL, SWEATY GLASS OF PEPSI-COLA archives

If the trusty mechanisms which usher our incoherent ramblings onto the internet do their job, then this particular edition of the Japanese hardware sales should be hitting monitors across the globe just before the beginning of the 43rd Super Bowl. We devised this clever bit of scheduling because -- prepare to be amazed -- we know exactly what the outcome of the big game will be. This way, you guys can be impressed by our soothsaying prowess, but it'll be too late for you to abuse our clairvoyance in a Pete Rose-esque fashion.

How did we coerce this prophecy from the swirling ether of fate? It was a two-step process:

1. Despite protests from a number of concerned parties, we arranged a boxing match between a construction worker and an aged higher-up of the Catholic church to determine the winner.

2. To discern the numerical statistics, we handed an overzealous five-year-old a crayon and a piece of graph paper containing the first 700 digits of pi. Following our explicit instructions, he drew a breathtaking portrait of a certain ambulatory sponge on the paper. We divided said sponge in half, assigning the digits touching his symmetrical parts to statistics for each team. We gave the child a bag of Skittles, and returned him to his extremely worried parents.

Here's our final tally: Cardinals over Steelers with a final score of 88 to 2. We know, we were surprised as well -- who would have anticipated that Monsignor Francis would be so darn scrappy?

- DSi: 51,618 10,907 (17.44%)
- PSP: 38,280 4,279 (10.05%)
- Wii: 26,770 5,563 (17.21%)
- PS3: 17,708 2,982 (14.41%)
- DS Lite: 13,686 5,123 (27.24%)
- Xbox 360: 7,663 1,913 (19.98%)
- PS2: 5,077 683 (11.86%)

[Source: Media Create]

See: The clairvoyant archives

Gamasutra has examined the meaningful portrayal of sexuality in the recently released Persona 4. The protagonist, Kanji Tatsumi, views his alter ego, Shadow Kanji, as an openly gay and flamboyant manifestation within the in-game world, The Midnight Channel.

Although Kanji's sexuality remains ambiguous, the developer does not reject the possibility that he might be gay. Instead, the decision to leave Kenji's sexuality open was made to give players more context to the views on homosexuality in Japan. According to Yu Namba, Atlus USA's Persona 4 Project Lead, it was the developer's goal to retain the majority of the Japanese content and accurately portray the Eastern culture regarding the subject.

Varying sexual orientations within games from Japan are not unheard of, with Metal Gear Solid 2's Vamp ranking as one of the more famous outed characters. In this case, Kanji's internal turmoil with his orientation is a fascinating take on personal journey, which no other publisher has been brave enough to bring to the North American market.

Fans of 2D fighters and the Guilty Gear franchise, prepare for enjoyment. Aksys has revealed Guilty Gear XX Accent Core Plus, which is set to grace the PS2, PSP, and Wii with its 2D splendor in Spring 2009. As big fans of 2D fighters, we were more than happy to receive the press release and pass the info along to you all. So, what should you expect?

Well, there will be punching. There's also going to be some kicking. And, by all means, do not freak out when you see a character or two jump. Jokes aside, it's another Guilty Gear game. You pretty much know what you're getting into by now.

Retail and other game-related listings such as the GameFly rental service can be rather devilish in regards to unveiling upcoming titles. At times, they'll accidentally let word of a new game slip out without ever knowing they've done so. We have something called "unwitting database maintenance" to thank for that.

In this case of secrecy screw-ups, GameFly divulges that Atlus plans to release a localized Devil Summoner 2: Raidou Kuzunoha versus King Abaddon for PS2 sometime in mid-May. Atlus recently teased a new Shin Megami Tensei title, one that seems likely to be the same as the GF listing. If these suspicions hold true, expect a return to devil summoning real soon.

Update: Minutes after this post went live, Atlus confirmed Devil Summoner 2: Raidou Kuzunoha vs. King Abaddon, stating, "The longer the title, the better the game." Every first-press copy will include a free Raiho plushie, but the general release will be "extremely limited in quantity." The game is expected to ship May 12, 2009 with an MSRP of $39.99.

Take note, game publishers: There are two ways to take the featured slot on our weekly release list. 1. Be a hotly anticipated game or 2. Have your top competition be MLB Front Office Manager. Yes, Afro Samurai may have taken the road less traveled, but it's hard to argue with the results.

Also, we're not saying that we're going to go out of our way to play new series entry Iron Triangle, but we're compelled to point out that "Nobunaga's Ambition" is still one of the best names for a video game ever.

A trailer for Indiana Jones and the Staff of Kings has popped up online. Watch as Indy gets thrown through a window, escapes floods, uses a whip, steals an amulet, and runs away from gunfire -- all without ever losing his trademark fedora. Yep, all in a day's work.

According to the video, it's coming Spring 2009 for Wii, DS, and an unidentified PlayStation console (it's already been rated for PSP and we know Wii games often see a PS2 port). This is great, LucasArts. Really ... but any chance of getting an Indy game in the vein of Indiana Jones and The Emperor's Tomb on 360 and PS3?

Oh, it all makes sense now: IGN's rumor; the vague response. Sounds to us like that project won't ever see the light of day, while Staff of Kings is LucasArts' "commitment" to the franchise. Is it possible to miss something that was never released?

[Via Mixnmojo]

Here's a bit of good news after hearing about job losses in Microsoft's Gamerscore Blog team: Sony says that cuts coming to the company are least likely to come from the gaming division, according to GamesIndustry.biz. The comments were, of course, made in reference to Sony's talk yesterday of restructuring, after it expected to post $2.9 billion-with-a-B in annual losses.

A spokesperson for the company told GI.biz, "As was the case with the previous Sony restructuring announcement this mainly concerns our electronics business." Here's hoping Sony's able to stick to the plan. We're sorry to hear about anyone losing a gig, but if the cuts are between "gaming" and "not gaming," we're always going to have a bias.

If you're an overpaid, television design director reading this from a battery-powered, mid-sized LCD panel, you're about to have a very bad day. After warning that it would post a record $2.9 billion annual operating loss due to weakening demand and a mightier yen, Sony Corp. has unveiled plans to significantly restructure its operations, not to mention that stupid economy's face.

According to Reuters, the plan is to cut costs by 250 billion yen by March 2010, a move that would see the end of TV manufacturing and design at one plant in Japan and a worldwide reduction in TV design's headcount by 30 percent. Sony also plans to consolidate resources devoted to batteries (we hope the "anti-explosion" division won't be too hard hit) and small and mid-size LCDs. The salaries going to directors and managers are also expected to be cut.

See, we told you you'd be having a bad day.

Who cares which games Joystiq lovingly selected as 2008's best? The only games that count are the ones chosen by George Washington and Ben Franklin, and we don't mean Imagine Founderz. We're talking about the top-selling titles of the year. By combining some platform-spanning SKUs, MTV came up with what it thinks is the most accurate top 5, more so than the one released by the NPD earlier this month.

The top slot is still held by Wii Play, but we think you'll be surprised by how the other four positions shake out. See the full list right after the break.

According to an alleged Q1 release schedule issued by Sony Computer Entertainment Benelux, the PlayStation Network can--

Yes, that's right. Sony Computer Entertainment Benelux, which handles the European economic union comprising Belgium, Netherland and Luxembourg.

Anyway, VideoGamesBlogger claims to have received this schedule, which includes a PlayStation 2 version of PSP racer Wipeout Pulse -- due in February -- and a March PSN release for obese royalty roll-a-thon, Fat Princess. In addition, the--

What? Yes, of course we asked Sony for comment. The company indicated awareness of an "out of date" release schedule being mistakenly circulated to the media and could not confirm any of the games nor release dates. Even though Flower's already been confirmed for February 12th. The other ...

No, we're not being hasty. We're just trying to convey some information here. It would be truly helpful if you could just stop interrupting us. We're trying to write a post here. In the nice, padded room.